6 Ancient Astronaut Hoaxes to stop believing immediately!

The Ancient Astronaut Theory is an idea that I must say I love. To me, it makes sense – well, the idea anyway. There are many absolutely true, yet unexplainable truths that support the theory. However, there is also an enormous number of “supporting facts” around the World Wide Web that are absolute garbage with no factual basis whatsoever.

In the so-called “Age of Information,” it’s strangely difficult to find real information that is of any value at all. So many things are posted and reposted, without the poster even giving much thought into whether it was real or not to begin with. The next thing you know, you have a million versions of the same thing floating around the internet, and people start to believe it’s true. However, if you dig a little deeper, you’ll often find all these million people took their ideas from the same source, which unfortunately, was bullshit.

To save you the trouble, here are a few stories that I call bullshit on. After reading this, hopefully we can all forget about these utter wastes of time and focus on the cause at hand of unraveling the mysteries of our universe.

That being said, let’s begin.

1. The Black Knight Satellite

Black Knight Satellite Hoax
The "Black Knight Satellite" caught on camera. Source.
The theory is that there is a 13,000 year old man-made object orbiting our planet, and we have no idea what it is or how it got there. Now, don’t get me wrong. I love that idea as much as the next Ancient Astronaut Theorist, but that doesn’t make it true.

The alleged Black Knight Satellite is no more than a thermal blanket which was lost during the construction of the International Space Station. It is now a piece of Space Junk, trapped in orbit of our planet, doomed to circle the Earth for eternity. Poor thermal blanket.

2. The Astronaut in a 12th Century Cathedral

Salamanca Cathedral Astronaut Hoax
Who is that astronaut, and what is he doing on the church wall??? Source.
Here is a picture of what seems to be an astronaut, carved into the walls of the Cathedral of Salamanca in Spain. Now, to be honest, this is not a hoax at all. This is really an astronaut, which you will really see in that Cathedral. However, he was only added in 1992 during a restoration of the building. Not so mysterious now. Although the addition to the wall was well-documented, some people still choose to site this as “proof” of Ancient Astronauts.

3. Abraham Lincoln and the Giants

Abraham Lincoln Niagra Giants Hoax
Lincoln definitely said that. Source.
 I’m not sure what exactly giants have to do with Aliens or Ancient Astronauts, but regardless, here’s another thing you’ll come often across if you read about such things. After visiting Niagra Falls, Abraham Lincoln was quoted to have said “The eyes of that species of extinct giants, whose bones fill the mounds of America, have gazed on Niagara, as ours do now.”

While the quote does say that, it seems rather taken out of context. What most sources conveniently fail to mention is that the statement continues as such “Co[n]temporary with the whole race of men, and older than the first man, Niagara is strong, and fresh to-day as ten thousand years ago. The Mammoth and Mastadon---now so long dead, that fragments of their monstrous bones, alone testify, that they ever lived, have gazed on Niagara.”

So he starts talking about giant Mammoth bones, which is probably the Giants he was talking about in the first place. One could argue that he was indeed talking about human giants, but let’s not forget that till now, no real evidence of true giants has ever been discovered. (but! That's not to say I don't believe giants may have existed. It just so happens to not really have been the topic of this particular passage.)

4. The Mahabaratha Mushroom Cloud

Ancient Nuclear War in the Mahabaratha
Yeah, I just think this is a pretty cool picture. Source.
 If you read my blog, you’ll see that I do believe there was an Ancient Nuclear War. But again, that doesn’t mean that all the “supporting facts” you read are true. My belief regarding any ancient / sacred/ historical text, is that if you’re going to quote it, you need to reference it.

If I quote you something from The Bible, The Quran, or the Egyptian Book of the Dead, together with my personal interpretation, I’ll at least tell you where I took the original quote from. Honestly, anyone that can’t do that is just making things up.

Anyway. There is a real passage in the Mahabarata that sounds strangely like it is describing a Nuclear War. You can read that one in this article about Ancient Nuclear War. However, if you come across this text below, it’s just not real. Why? Because it’s not referenced. If the writer can’t reference where in the Mahabarata he took that passage from, it’s likely because it simply isn’t there. The false passage is below:

“…a single projectile
Charged with all the power of the Universe.
An incandescent column of smoke and flame
As bright as the thousand suns
Rose in all its splendour…
a perpendicular explosion
with its billowing smoke clouds…
…the cloud of smoke
rising after its first explosion
formed into expanding round circles
like the opening of giant parasols…
..it was an unknown weapon,
An iron thunderbolt,
A gigantic messenger of death,
Which reduced to ashes
The entire race of the Vrishnis and the Andhakas.
…The corpses were so burned
As to be unrecognisable.
The hair and nails fell out;
Pottery broke without apparent cause,
And the birds turned white.
After a few hours
All foodstuffs were infected…
…to escape from this fire
The soldiers threw themselves in streams
To wash themselves and their equipment.”

This passage is a combination of various parts of the Mahabaratha, describing events that happened years apart from each other. So again, while I do believe the Mahabaratha does talk about Ancient Nuclear War, this particular passage is just bullshit.

5. The Mayan Dwarapala

Mayan Dwarapala Statue Hoax
The one on the left is the Dwarapala Guardian at Penantaran temple in Indonesia. The one on the right, well, I dare you to find it in Chichen Itza. (Not sourced, so as to not diss someone else's blog.)
The Mayan Dwarpala is a sculpture that some claim exists in the Chichen Itza pyramid in Mexico. This statue bears almost exact resemblance to the Hindu Dwarpala statues that appear across Indonesia. While there really is a Mayan Dwarpala at the Copan Pyramid in Honduras, this picture floating around the internet just isn’t real.

Why do I not think it’s real? For one, there are millions of photos of the Chichen Itza. Till now, I have not seen any of that statue in a real photo of the Chichen Itza. Two, all the photos of so-called Mayan Dwarpala are the same photo. Not just the same statue – no, the exact same photo. Three, the only place you’ll ever see this photo is not in any post about Chichen Itza, but only in posts talking about the mysterious resemblance between Ancient Mayan and Indonesian Civilizations.

Given those three reasons, until someone proves me wrong, the picture you see above is just absolutely not a Mayan Sculpture from Chichen Itza.

6. The Medieval Spaceman

Medieval Astronaut Painting Hoax
Hello, Moon God. Source.
Here, you can see just one of many Medieval paintings that seem to depict UFOs and other flying objects. If you browse are around, you’ll see that almost all Crucifixion paintings from this era depict a similar thing. Is it because there were aliens present during this event? Unfortunately, no. In the picture below, you will see a similar scene. However, in this one you may notice that the “spacemen” are really just human appearances of the Sun and Moon. Another hoax to stop believing.

Medieval Alien Hoax
Not so spacecraft-like anymore...

Most of the above “hoaxes” do stem from something real. This just makes it all the more difficult to discover which are real and which aren’t.

Hopefully though, with a lot of research and a little common sense, we can find the bits of truth hidden in an ocean of mystery, history, hoaxes and mythology. Hopefully, the more we can truly understand our past, the better insight we will have to our future.

On that note, if you feel I’m mistaken in any of the points mentioned above, feel free to comment. I’m always happy to be enlightened.
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About Flame Rozario

A self-proclaimed Crypto-anthropologist with a personal interest in ancient intelligent civilizations, underwater archaeology, and the truth that lies behind the legend. I write about a combination of fact, fantasy, and my own personal theories. Why? Because I can.